Saturday, April 9, 2011

World Of Albert: Satan's Letter To Willie Revillame

I stumbled upon this article while surfing and thought to blog it. Thanks to World of Albert.

Dear Willie,

My son, it will just be a matter of time before our evil plan shall come into fruition. By proclaiming yourself as the savior of the poor, you shall lure humanity into the dark side. Despite the many setbacks you have encountered while accomplishing your wicked mission, you remain robust and unfazed. Critics and detractors are trying to pin you down. Our enemies are growing. But as long as you keep on doing evil deeds for my sake, I promise that I shall never let you be defeated. I shall never forget the many things you have done in my honor, my precious child.

I shall always remember the numerous MTRCB suspensions you had as a result of your crass behavior on tv. I shall always remember the two sexual harassment cases filed against you. With your promise of instant fortune, I shall always remember when you enticed hundreds of people to ULTRA which resulted in a mass grave. I shall always remember your part in the biggest scam on tv game show history. I shall always remember the monumental legal battle with your ex wife who accused you of battery. I shall always remember the desecration you did during the burial of a president. When your demands were not met by your former tv network, I shall always remember how you defied authority (like what I did to God...hehehe.) And just recently, I shall always remember when you perpetuated in mocking and taunting a crying child on national tv. With these, I am now seriously contemplating on making you my sole heir to the throne instead of Osama Bin Laden.

Blessed with charisma and a saccharine tongue, you have been the object of my watchful eyes since you were born. Years ago when you were just a struggling tv host, I visited you in your dream where I told you that the best way to amass wealth and fame in your country is by exploiting the poor. I instructed you to follow the legacy of my other child Adolf Hitler. Like the Fuhrer, your key to your rise to power is your ability to win mass support. The strategy to such is simple but effective. Over and over again, you just repeat what you wanted the people to believe. That is, your sole purpose in life is to help the poor and make them happy. Then you combine this with dramatic speeches, colorful production numbers and soap opera like charades in your tv program. Through these, you arouse their emotions. By moving the masses, you became their leader.

Since you came to power, the people saw many things in you that please them. True, your supporters know of your many wrongdoings and shenanigans. But being fanatics, they find it easy to close their eyes and continue their praises. Your ingenuity is designed to appeal to people's feelings rather than their ability to reason. For this, I admire you, my dear Willie. You have hypnotized many people and lured them into a frenzy of unimaginable loyalty. A great example of which, they even made you a multi-platinum recording star despite the crappy music and annoying voice. (Sorry son, as your father, I have to tell the truth sometimes. Plus I really cannot stand your songs.) Acting like a philanthropist, many poor people see you as their only hope. Yet, your clueless minions of fans never realize that as long as you play the role of a "Good Samaritan," the more you become rich. Bwahahaha!

I feel an overwhelming delight every time I watch your audience turn into greedy, materialistic and money hungry individuals with your mere presence. Definitely, these humans would do anything if you provide them with easy money. They would make fool of themselves on tv. They would cry in public. They would laugh at a child if you tell them to. Hell, they would even praise you as guwapo even if you look like Fanny Serrano. All for the sake of a few moolah. I take pride on the fact that you became a multi millionaire literally out of the tears of these poor people. In return, I promise to provide you with instruments to stir these people's emotions. I shall continue making many people live below the poverty line. I shall let more children suffer from mental retardation and let more lolos and lolas live longer so you can parade them in your tv show.

With your devoted supporters ever growing, it will not be an impossibility if one day you become the Philippine President. With such greater power, you can practice your evil ways in a wider scale. From the fiery pits of hell, you have all my love and support, my son. Together with your brothers Napoleon, Stalin and Hitler, we are cheering for you to do your best.

Your Father,



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