It's been a looong month for me and it seemed that I didn’t have interest to post a blog no more. The truth is I still really do. It is just that I had so many concerns after I got back from the Philippines.
May is a significant month for me for so many reasons.
It was May last year when I started to post a blog in this site and that first post was entitled “French Toast”. I am very proud to say that I’ve made MORE than 70 posts since then.
It was May when hubby and I got married. Last year on our 1st year anniversary, we didn’t celebrate it because we were too busy moving our things, in fact, on that very night, we only slept in the floor because all our stuff was already hauled to Winnemucca and we needed to stay in Round Mountain for that night. It was not good, huh? But I didn't hear complaints from my kids and from my stepson who helped us in moving so I guessed that was alright though. This year, we celebrated it. Hubby gave me a nice warm bubble bath with candle light, a box of chocolate and a huge anniversary card with matching heartwarming messages. It was Sunday, supposedly my Monday at work but I was lucky that my reliever ask for a swap of days off so hubby and I went to Reno and stayed in a fancy hotel. Sounds great, isn't it?
I always have nice time with hubby but since I got back here my mind is not really appeased in the sense that I missed my kids back home. I am still adjusting a new life without them and adjusting a new life alone with hubby. I sooo missed them allot and many times I really cried especially during the days when hubby and I were like strangers. Sometime he joked on me and says “Hello Stranger” when I call him on the phone early in the morning during his first days off while I was in the hotel working. There are days that when he comes home I was already in bed and he doesn’t want to wake me up because I needed to get sleep and when I woke up he was beside me sleeping and snoring but I didn’t want to wake him up because he is very tired and he needs to work in the day and has to leave at 3:30 in the morning.
There are also times that I am alone during the night on my days-off and he's working night-shift in the middle of nowhere. When he is working night-shift, I would ride a cab going to work and he'll pick me up in the morning. When he is working day-shift, I have to ride a cab to and fro.When the kids were still here, I didn’t have trouble to get a ride because Jen and Jun are very much available to take me anywhere, anytime. I can drive now but I still need more practice and I should have somebody with driver's license with me while driving. I am crossing my fingers to take the Driving Test before my Instruction Permit expires next month.
I also have another issues. I am having trouble with my close friends like Vanessa, Annie, Meding, to name a few, whom I promised that I am going to see them when I get to the Philippines. Vanessa sent me hurting emails though I didn’t finish reading them because it really hurt me so bad. She was so upset. The hurting part was when she said goodbye and that she won't bother me anymore. We were friends since high school and it’s too sad that we ended our friendship this way.
I am also having trouble with my family. I failed to see my former sister-in-law who is Davao based and for that my teenagers are ashamed to get in touch with her now. I failed to contact my former parents-in-law as well. I was a failure. And until now I haven’t contacted in any one of them. The stuff that I bought for them were still in my kid's luggages. And I felt like I was the worst person in the entire planet. I know for sure that they were kind of upset too. I couldn’t blame them but I wished they could understand my situation. I haven't changed. I am still the “Nanibeth” that Vanessa had known as a friend. I am still the “Bobong” that my former sister- in- law and my former parents-in -law had known who brought Jen and Jun in this world. I hope they would forgive me.
So help me God.