A Mom's Cry From Afar

My skinny little daughter was rushed to the hospital by her aunt Helen last Tuesday. As soon as I got her message via chikka, I started catching my breath because I felt like my heartbeat stopped for awhile. I wanted to cry but I appeased myself. I needed to stay calm. I went to the bathroom and looked my self in the mirror while talking to myself , “relax, inhale, exhale”. Hubby called Jen right away and it was my sis-in-law who answered the phone and they were in the hospital already that time. I felt relieved that she was attended by nurses and has been taken care of right away.

While I was at work, my mind was wandering. I was training a new guy for 3 nights and I became impatient with him. He was trying his best but since auditing is a complicated job, he just couldn’t get everything I taught to him and I really showed it to him that I feel frustrated every time he did something wrong. I have been working as a full time desk auditor and I have been training 5 people already to work during my days off. Those 4 people said I was such a patient trainer, well, I was not with this latest trainee, sorry for him. I also felt sorry for the guest that I sent in a certain room then found out that somebody was in there already. And I felt sorry for a guest because I had given him a wrong key for his room. My mind was really floating and that made me inefficient and ineffective worker these days.

It is really hard to be away from my kids especially in times like this. I feel like I am a useless and a crippled mother that cannot do nothing about the situation except to cry and to pray. I wanted to personally take care of Jen and to attend to her needs but I couldn’t make it. I am thousand miles away from her. Indeed, the hardest thing when you are away from your children is when they get sick and you just cant do nothing about it. Hubby was working day shift so I was alone when I get home, feeling so sad and lonely so I just cry until my eyes feel drowsy. I am feeling troubled and worry all the time and lately I only sleep 3-4 hours only. I just couldn’t get myself back to sleep when I wake up untimely. I don’t want to depend on sleeping pill because it doesn’t work to me all the time, besides, there are times when I took 2 pills before I went to bed, my head became so heavy and my eyes became smoky when I got up.

My daughter’s doctor diagnosed her to have Dengue Fever. She had 5 “platelet transfusions” to replenish the platelet that has been infected. It went down to 58 and she is texting me now that it went up to 93 already. Dengue Fever is not known here in the US because my boss and my co-employees did not know about it. I found out that they call it H- Fever or Hemorrhagic Fever here. Dengue is fatal. My family had experienced too much pains because of it. I remember when my nephew’s very young life was taken by Dengue. It was the most painful and tragic experience for me because I was there with him together with my sister Ivy when he stopped breathing. I felt like I was going to die that time too. That was happened 10 years ago, actually, this month makes it 10 years. And as far I remember, he was the first victim of Dengue Fever in the whole province of Agusan del Sur.

As I am scribbling this post, my little Jen is still in the hospital for recovery but she said she might check out tomorrow, hopefully. Thanks to my sister-in-law, my mom and my cousin for taking care of Jen.

Most of all, I thank the Lord for HIS unending blessings. Thank you Lord. I am praying for my children’s safe and comfort always. Please shield them against harm and danger.

Amen.