A Mom's Cry From Afar

My skinny little daughter was rushed to the hospital by her aunt Helen last Tuesday. As soon as I got her message via chikka, I started catching my breath because I felt like my heartbeat stopped for awhile. I wanted to cry but I appeased myself. I needed to stay calm. I went to the bathroom and looked my self in the mirror while talking to myself , “relax, inhale, exhale”. Hubby called Jen right away and it was my sis-in-law who answered the phone and they were in the hospital already that time. I felt relieved that she was attended by nurses and has been taken care of right away.

While I was at work, my mind was wandering. I was training a new guy for 3 nights and I became impatient with him. He was trying his best but since auditing is a complicated job, he just couldn’t get everything I taught to him and I really showed it to him that I feel frustrated every time he did something wrong. I have been working as a full time desk auditor and I have been training 5 people already to work during my days off. Those 4 people said I was such a patient trainer, well, I was not with this latest trainee, sorry for him. I also felt sorry for the guest that I sent in a certain room then found out that somebody was in there already. And I felt sorry for a guest because I had given him a wrong key for his room. My mind was really floating and that made me inefficient and ineffective worker these days.

It is really hard to be away from my kids especially in times like this. I feel like I am a useless and a crippled mother that cannot do nothing about the situation except to cry and to pray. I wanted to personally take care of Jen and to attend to her needs but I couldn’t make it. I am thousand miles away from her. Indeed, the hardest thing when you are away from your children is when they get sick and you just cant do nothing about it. Hubby was working day shift so I was alone when I get home, feeling so sad and lonely so I just cry until my eyes feel drowsy. I am feeling troubled and worry all the time and lately I only sleep 3-4 hours only. I just couldn’t get myself back to sleep when I wake up untimely. I don’t want to depend on sleeping pill because it doesn’t work to me all the time, besides, there are times when I took 2 pills before I went to bed, my head became so heavy and my eyes became smoky when I got up.

My daughter’s doctor diagnosed her to have Dengue Fever. She had 5 “platelet transfusions” to replenish the platelet that has been infected. It went down to 58 and she is texting me now that it went up to 93 already. Dengue Fever is not known here in the US because my boss and my co-employees did not know about it. I found out that they call it H- Fever or Hemorrhagic Fever here. Dengue is fatal. My family had experienced too much pains because of it. I remember when my nephew’s very young life was taken by Dengue. It was the most painful and tragic experience for me because I was there with him together with my sister Ivy when he stopped breathing. I felt like I was going to die that time too. That was happened 10 years ago, actually, this month makes it 10 years. And as far I remember, he was the first victim of Dengue Fever in the whole province of Agusan del Sur.

As I am scribbling this post, my little Jen is still in the hospital for recovery but she said she might check out tomorrow, hopefully. Thanks to my sister-in-law, my mom and my cousin for taking care of Jen.

Most of all, I thank the Lord for HIS unending blessings. Thank you Lord. I am praying for my children’s safe and comfort always. Please shield them against harm and danger.

Amen.

May Happenings

It's been a looong month for me and it seemed that I didn’t have interest to post a blog no more. The truth is I still really do. It is just that I had so many concerns after I got back from the Philippines.

May is a significant month for me for so many reasons.

It was May last year when I started to post a blog in this site and that first post was entitled “French Toast”. I am very proud to say that I’ve made MORE than 70 posts since then.

It was May when hubby and I got married. Last year on our 1st year anniversary, we didn’t celebrate it because we were too busy moving our things, in fact, on that very night, we only slept in the floor because all our stuff was already hauled to Winnemucca and we needed to stay in Round Mountain for that night. It was not good, huh? But I didn't hear complaints from my kids and from my stepson who helped us in moving so I guessed that was alright though. This year, we celebrated it. Hubby gave me a nice warm bubble bath with candle light, a box of chocolate and a huge anniversary card with matching heartwarming messages. It was Sunday, supposedly my Monday at work but I was lucky that my reliever ask for a swap of days off so hubby and I went to Reno and stayed in a fancy hotel. Sounds great, isn't it?

I always have nice time with hubby but since I got back here my mind is not really appeased in the sense that I missed my kids back home. I am still adjusting a new life without them and adjusting a new life alone with hubby. I sooo missed them allot and many times I really cried especially during the days when hubby and I were like strangers. Sometime he joked on me and says “Hello Stranger” when I call him on the phone early in the morning during his first days off while I was in the hotel working. There are days that when he comes home I was already in bed and he doesn’t want to wake me up because I needed to get sleep and when I woke up he was beside me sleeping and snoring but I didn’t want to wake him up because he is very tired and he needs to work in the day and has to leave at 3:30 in the morning.

There are also times that I am alone during the night on my days-off and he's working night-shift in the middle of nowhere. When he is working night-shift, I would ride a cab going to work and he'll pick me up in the morning. When he is working day-shift, I have to ride a cab to and fro.When the kids were still here, I didn’t have trouble to get a ride because Jen and Jun are very much available to take me anywhere, anytime. I can drive now but I still need more practice and I should have somebody with driver's license with me while driving. I am crossing my fingers to take the Driving Test before my Instruction Permit expires next month.

I also have another issues. I am having trouble with my close friends like Vanessa, Annie, Meding, to name a few, whom I promised that I am going to see them when I get to the Philippines. Vanessa sent me hurting emails though I didn’t finish reading them because it really hurt me so bad. She was so upset. The hurting part was when she said goodbye and that she won't bother me anymore. We were friends since high school and it’s too sad that we ended our friendship this way.

I am also having trouble with my family. I failed to see my former sister-in-law who is Davao based and for that my teenagers are ashamed to get in touch with her now. I failed to contact my former parents-in-law as well. I was a failure. And until now I haven’t contacted in any one of them. The stuff that I bought for them were still in my kid's luggages. And I felt like I was the worst person in the entire planet. I know for sure that they were kind of upset too. I couldn’t blame them but I wished they could understand my situation. I haven't changed. I am still the “Nanibeth” that Vanessa had known as a friend. I am still the “Bobong” that my former sister- in- law and my former parents-in -law had known who brought Jen and Jun in this world. I hope they would forgive me.

So help me God.

Biyaheng Balik-Pinas

(This post is taken from my Friendster's  Blog)

My time was very limited. I only had few days, including travel time from April 17- April 28, 2009

Before my kids and I left, I had so many things in mind to do when I get to the Philippines. I planned to see all my family members especially my grandpa Tatay Bering and my former officemates and my classmates in high school and of course my close friends. I planned to see a Dermatologist and a Dentist. I was really hoping to make these plans realized. These plans are excluded in my main purpose of coming back home: to enroll my kids in college and find a good place for them to stay in Davao City.

I had this very frightening experience in Las Vegas Airport when we entered the Security gate. The first man who check the plane tickets of each passenger told me that I have SSSS on my ticket, meaning, Secondary Security Screening Selection, a code used by airlines on boarding cards of passengers selected for secondary security screening. I felt like I was treated like I was a bomber or a drug dealer! After putting all my things in a plastic tray and passing thru an X-ray Machine like other passengers did, I was being scrutinized again with another lady and my heart was pounding fast when she put bright orange tag on my hand bag and on my arm. Waaah! Then I heard someone called for a VIP, something like that. One of the Security Officers asked me if I speak Spanish. I said, “No, I am a Filipino”. Then a lady came and said, “Do not touch your purse”. I was told to take a seat in a corner while watching the two ladies inspecting everything in my bag. I asked them, “What happened? I am scared.” The other lady said, “You will be fine, just relax”. Then I saw my stuff taken by the lady one by one using a tool which I couldn’t recall until now what it was. I felt safe when I heard of them said, “The purse is clear.. The shoes are clear.. Everything is clear. You may now take off that orange tag on the purse and on her arm”. I really wanted to scream “Thank you Lord!” afterwards. I saw hubby from afar looked too anxious. He waited there until we passed the Security gate. I gestured at him that everything went okay.

The plane took-off past 7pm, April 17 and it had lay-over in Vancouver, Canada for an hour. Transit passengers like us disembarked from the plane and stayed in a designated area in the airport.We were not allowed to wander around the entire airport, and we just sit there until its time for us to embark in the plane. The foods are great and the flight attendants were nice. I noticed that when we were back in the plane, new group of crew greeted us. I bet the plane will change crew in every destination. We arrived in Manila very early in the morning, April 19. When we got-off the plane, whew! The air that embraced us is warm enough for us to take off our jackets or sweaters.

We arrived in Davao International Airport at 8:30am, April 19 and we waited for 2 hours before my family members came to fetch us. Yep, we waited for 2 long hours. We were too tired of the long flight and of waiting. Anyways, we were happy to see all of them smiling wide when they saw us J. That made my anger cooled down. I was so happy to see my mom, all my nieces and nephews and my 4 beautiful sisters. My one and only brother and my youngest sister were the only ones missing.

Afterwards, we went to Times Beach Seafood Restaurant and had our sumptuous lunch there then we went to a nearby SM Shopping Mall afterwards to treat my nieces and nephews. They were all having great time at World of Fun. We stayed in a family friend’s house in Davao then we headed to Agusan. We got there at dawn then we took for a few hours rest then my Mom and my youngest sister headed to Agusan del Norte to visit my Lolo. We had lechon baboy but I enjoyed eating “igi”, a fresh water shell from Lake Mainit. We didn't stay there for the night and we left at dawn. Imagine how tired I was that time. From 18 hours of plane ride and 5 hours bus ride from davao to agusan then another 3 hours going to my lolo's place. That time I started to sneeze and I had already a runny nose. My head was so heavy and I felt I was having a fever inside my body. The next day we went to the cemetry to visit my dad's tomb. God, I really miss him a lot.

We needed to go back to Davao because my kids had to take Entrance Exams in their chosen field and school. I still had many things in mind.I wanted to invite Pastor Ricardo Solomon and family for a dinner but I just had no time. I really wanted to see my friends but I have very limited time and I was not feeling well. And I wanted to see my cousins too. When the entire family had dinner at one of my sister’s house, my brother came up with an idea to have an overnight stay in Dap-dap Beach. So I invited my cousins to come. We stayed in the beach overnight and we had great time there.

I started coughing a lot. Geez. I had fever and colds. In short, I had a flu. I exhaled hot air and I just wanted to lie down and sleep. Saturday night, we headed back to Davao. I was dead tired and sick. But I managed myself to go to SM to buy some stuff for pasalubong. My cousin Carol saw the Oro Derm Spa and she suggested getting facial spa and I did. I did enjoy the time lying down while the attendant from Diatagon was cleaning my face. I fell asleep but I emerged from sleep when I heard her voice, “Ma’am? Is this genuine?” And I asked with my eyes closed, “What is that?” She answered, “your nose… because I am afraid to touch it”. I giggled when I heard it, silly girl hehehe! Well, I can’t blame her because my nose is kinda wide and big hehehe! I don’t really like it but it’s my nose and its real, genuine, original, etc. Well, that somehow made me laughed out loud when I went out from the spa. My best friend’s sister Neneng went all the way to Davao from New Bataan to see me. I was too happy to see her and her gorgeous daughter. We went to David’s Salon for my new hairstyle. Jen had hers too.

The following day, Monday, I wanted to see my beautiful friend Vanessa to give her the flipflops I promised and to see my sister-in-law but I was not really feeling well. I just wanted to stay in bed to get allot of sleep and to get some rest.

The next day, Tuesday, around 9am I was on my way to the airport and my cousin Carol, my teeners and family friends were with me. My flight was 1:20pm. One of the PAL employees noticed that I was not feeling well. He asked me if I was alright. He said I don’t look okey. I said I was okay even if I was not. I was just afraid that he might think that I had swine flu and forbid me to get in the plane.

During my flight from Manila to Vancouver to Las Vegas, there were lots of Pinoys who were on the same flight. I heard they were coming to watch Pacquiao-Hatton fight. And I overheard that Pacquaio gave them free ticket, something like that. Lucky for them!

Anyways, the flight to and fro went smoothly. Mexican couple Adan and Josefina was with hubby in the airport to welcome me home. We stayed in Excalibur Hotel and headed back home the next day. While on our way home, hubby asked me, "Did you see Vanessa mahal?" I answered, "nope". Did you see Ate Inday? I answered the same. "Did you see Nathalie's mom?" Did you see Ronald and Leodilla?" "Did you see your former sister in law? Nope. Nope. Nope. Geez. I really wanted to see them but I just did not have time. Until now, I haven't communicated to any of them yet. I just don't know what to say especially to Vanessa. I hope they will forgive me.

April 17-April 28, whew! That was real quick! I swear, the next time I go back to my homeland, I would stay at least 3 weeks otherwise I won’t go at all.