So Lonely Here

While penning this blog, I am sobbing at the same time. If someone sees me at this very moment, maybe he or she would think that I am insane.

I just got home from work and hubby is at work right now. I am feeling so down, so alone and soo lonely. My heart misses my teeners, my family, my favorite fruits, favorite foods, too many to mention. To sum them up all, my heart right now is longing to go back to the country where I belong, the Philippines.

I am missing my kids. I used to be around with them since they were born and now they are thousand miles away from me. It really makes my heart bleed every time I think about them. Truly, if it were not because of them, I wouldn’t allow myself to suffer here. Homesickness is very difficult to get over although hubby is doing all the best he can just to make me happy.

I am missing my family back home. I miss my Mom. Though we are not that close, I indeed miss her a lot. I miss my sisters and my one and only brother. I miss my nieces and nephews too. I miss my friends as well especially my best friend Lalay. Lalay is not in the Philippines because she is an OFW in Bahrain and I am 100% sure that she feels the same way I feel too.

I am missing my favorite fruits. I miss Pomelo, guapple, mango, marang, lansones, durian especially Nangka or Jackfruit. Every time our regular hotel guest Mr. Jack Frost checks-in, I always remember my most favorite fruit. I am being silly, yes, but that is what exactly I remember every time I see his name in the In-House List. I am salivating having a thought of the jackfruit. I miss its smell too.

Lastly, I am missing my favorite foods. I miss paksiw, pinakbet, camote tops salad, pancit miki with pork, Nilagang Baka, “ginamos” (salted fish), “bulad” (dried fish) and “kinilaw”, “sinugba” and “sinabaw”. Geez. I miss all Pinoy foods very much. Although we can buy Pinoy foods in Reno or in Las Vegas, it couldn’t satisfy my cravings because the stocks are only few and incomplete.

I really miss everything about Philippines. Everything!

And thinking about this everything makes me sadder, lonelier and down.

 I couldn’t help but cry.

What a Night!

It was one of those nights at work.

People showed up in the front desk wanting a room for the night. But we are sold out. All rooms were filled up. No vacancy. Phones were ringing for the same queries. I always tell the callers the same answer. Some would answer "thank you" and some would ask "any recommendations? We need to stay for the night, we are dead tired". And I always tell them, "Sir, try the smaller hotels or motels" or "Sir I just called all hotels here and they said they don't have vacant rooms no more". Some people would ask me to call motels to inquire and I am always willing to do it for them though I am pretty sure that even motels are also filled up almost every night during summertime. A lot of them would ask, "What's going on in this town? Why all hotels are filled up?''. July 29 was a lot busier because we hosted a big event called "Superior Livestock Auction". Big time people are coming from neighboring States like Utah, Texas, Idaho and California for this event so all Casinos were busy too.

It was around 12:01 midnight when the phone was ringing again. As usual I picked it up and said "Thank you for calling the W....*** this is Beth, how can I help you?" I heard a guy's voice on the other line that said "There is a bomb in Room 101". And I was shocked for a second and said, "Sir?" And the line went dead.

I was terrified and I informed the Manager on Duty right away. We realized that we don't have Room 101 but still it scared us. It happened that it was the time for a shift on MOD (Manager on Duty) so the outgoing and incoming Managers searched every place in the hotel after they called the Police Authority. Luckily, there was no bomb found.

I was kind of trembling that time and my hands were cold. A Policeman called and informed us that the man was already apprehended. And I was amazed. How did they find the culprit out that easy? Another Policeman came to the hotel and handed me a Police Report Form to fill out. There I wrote my name, address, SSS Number, other personal circumstances and my statement on what was exactly the guy told me over the phone. He said a Bomb Threat case will be filed against the caller and I might be called to appear in the court as witness to that sort. Waaah!!!

The following night, someone shared about what really happened. The culprit was not smart enough to do such a thing. Policemen were already eyeing on him because they already knew his plan. Apparently, the culprit shared it to one of his friends that he’s gonna rob one of the Casinos in town and that he is gonna call one of the Casinos about a bomb something like that and when the Policemen were busy finding the bomb, he will go to the other Casino and rob it or “hold-up” it in our term. This is one of the stupid robbery plans I ever heard. Well, maybe he thought that the Policemen are as stupid as him. Ahahahaha!

After 2 weeks, while doing my usual night audit in the front desk, the same Policeman who got my statement emerged from the door. He smiled and handed me a document and had me signed it. It was the Subpoena from the District Attorney’s Office. Whew! Part of it says “WE COMMAND YOU, that all singular, business and excuses being set aside, you appear at the above-entitled court, at the courtroom…. Etc… to testify on the part of the…. And for failure to attend you will be deemed guilty of Contempt of Court in accordance with…. Etc. I was terrified. I wished the hearing wouldn’t push through. I couldn’t imagine myself inside the US courtroom to stand as witness! No…! I called the District Attorney’s Office and asked if the schedule of the hearing has not been changed and the staff said, “It has not been changed”. I was frustrated upon hearing it. I wished it wouldn’t be push through…. I wished… wished…! The day before the hearing, around 4:00 o’clock in the afternoon, I got a call from the DA informing me that the schedule of the hearing has been changed and that they will notify me if a new schedule will be made. Yipeeeeee! I jumped and screamed! Yes! Yes! Yes! And hubby thought I was silly when he saw me acting like crazy.

I haven’t heard anything since then about it so I am hoping now that the case was kind of “negotiated” already. Hopefully.

Help me God.

Happy Birthday Vanessa!

This post is dedicated to a very special person, my beautiful friend Vanessa.

She just celebrated her birthday last July 11. The whole world  also celebrates this special day of hers because July 11 is the “World Population Day”, isn’t that nice?

I have mentioned her name many times in my previous posts. She is a friend since high school. She is smart, gorgeous. and beautiful inside and out. Truly, she got beauty and brains. I am sure that those who know about her would agree with me.

We were classmates in high school and many times I have been to her house for lunch. Her father always cook food for them during lunchtime. The first time her father saw me, he said “Nanibeth pareho lang mo ni Vaning mga daut”. As soon as I heard him I thought “Hala kahinawayon sa papa ni Vaning uy”. They came from Cebu and I didn’t know that “daut” word means “payat or skinny” in Cebuano dialect. I thought the meaning was “masakiton” or sickly or ailing to that extent. Many times he asked my “baon” and fed it to their dog because it was already cold. He said I better eat the foods that he cooked because they are warm. I couldn’t remember how many times I had lunch at their house. Vanessa’s family knows me, they are all nice and they are all beautiful, from her parents down to her nieces and nephews. Again, I am sure those people who know her would agree with me.

She is very beautiful, talented and pretty smart. She was a consistent honor student. She was our School’s Bb. Agham during our time and she made it to be the Bb. Agham in the entire province. She was also crowned “Mutya Ng San Francisco”. You wanna bet that? And here is another thing, she sings very well and she dances gracefully too. I couldn’t forget her version in Madonna’s “Crazy For You” song and I don’t know the singer of the song “I Still Believe”. I also remember how she danced “Aricomambo” (did i spell it correctly?) during our high school days.

She studied and finished Nursing in Cebu City but every time she gets back home, we always see each other especially during high school class get together. Honestly, I am kind of bashful at her because she is a candid person and she will speak her mind about anything and about anyone. I was a kind of a wicked girl then. And for me, she was kind of an “angel” without wings and halo. But one thing I like her is that she has a sense of humor. Maybe only few people notice that but yes, she really makes me laugh on her practical jokes.

I always think of her as the luckiest person among my circle of friends and one day I told her about it and she just laughed at me and said “huna-huna ra na nimo beth uy!” She has a loving husband and has a cute and intelligent daughter. She is one of the few people who calls me Nanibeth. I fondly call her Vaning, it doesn't sound "fancy" but I just like to call her that name although many times I attempted to change it to "Van" but I always slip my tongue so I'd rather not to change it at all. Our friendship is unique in the sense that we don’t communicate very often but we still able to update each other’s lives. She has other friends too and sometimes I think that I am not in the same level compared to her other friends. Honestly, I don’t think that I was really a special friend of hers until I discovered it lately.

I admit that I was not a good friend to her in the truest sense of the word because I hurt her many times. I don’t want to elaborate my failures but I admit I did hurt her for a single reason. Maulaw jud ko sa iya. And she knows that. She told me many times that I don’t have reasons to feel that way but I just couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t really help it. Well, every time I make a mistake, most of the time I would think that I am no big deal to her so she should not care anyway or sometimes I think that that she will understand me like what she did many times. Bad me, huh?

I thought she will always be passive to my faults as she does always until one day she burst. I imagine it was like “Kapag puno na ang salop” situation. It really affected me though. I thought I was only dreaming when I read those hurting words. My body was trembling and I feel ashamed for hurting her. Honestly, I still have the same reason why I didn’t contact her when I was in Davao. When my daughter and I were in SM, she told me that Vanessa’s niece is coming to see her and I said, “Oh no! Please don’t let her see me anak because I haven’t contacted her Aunt Vanessa yet! I feel so uncomfortable that time, I was sneezing and coughing every now and then. I didn’t even wear lipstick because it will be wiped away anyway every time I sneezed. I had watery eyes and runny nose. My daughter asked me, “are you feeling so “yagit” ma? And I said, “exactly“! So she just met Vanessa’s niece and a friend in the ground floor of the mall.

And that was it. Until I came back here without sending word to her. She was so upset and I felt so bad and guilty. I discussed it with my husband and he consoled me and said he believed that Vanessa would forgive me in due time because according to him, that's what friends are for. And hubby was right!

I was really down these past few days but when I read Vanessa’s brief but concise reply to my birthday greetings to her, I feel it that she already forgave me. That made my heart feel better. And I said, “Thank you Ning” in my mind.

And I thank the Lord too for making Vanessa’s heart soften in spite of my shortcomings.

Now I am feeling a loooooot better.

Thank you Ning! Happy Returns of the Day! I wish you all the best.